spring break dilemmas for a flat-chested, big-bottomed girl:

To bikini or not to bikini, that is the question.

Figure-itively speaking, I am a freak of nature. Which leaves me terribly few options when it comes to swimwear: the modest, boring one-piece. Swimwear must be the only section of my wardrobe that has barely diverisified since the age of hmmm....4? The last time I sported a frilly pink two-piece I still had floaters on my arms.
Am whining about this cos bikinis seem to be de rigeur in the States. and DARN they have cute ones too. As I have nothing with me save a navy Speedo suit from my well-past swim team days, I spent the whole weekend browsing online for more stylish one-pieces, but to no avail. The only thing I can imagine sporting is a Burberry's halter swimsuit, but am in no financial state to acquire a chic new aquatic wardrobe either. Damn it, mother why can't you FedEx my Marc Jacobs-esque polka dot tankini over??