I am mighty scared.

it's always been a timebomb tick tocking away in the back of my mind, and lately the ticktocking is getting louder and louder.
I don't yet have a vocational calling.
So Uncle Kai, one of my dad's loonier friends, gave me this sound advice: if you're not reputable in your field by thirty-five, you might as well forget about the whole career thing. Say I need 8-10 years to build up my career, I'd better know what I want to do by 25 / 27ish. Which leaves me three / five years+ to find out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Chilling thought, since I've been trying to find out what I want to be since 16 and I still haven't come up with anything more than a semester-long fad.

Fields I have thought about:
1. biochemistry (not ever again since my teacher predicted a D for my Chemistry A Level, which promptly made me drop the subject)
2. Novel cosmetic brand (after reading too much glossies in high school - particularly articles about ppl who came up with Hard Candy, Philosophy etc.)
3. city planning (decided I'm not totalitarian / confident enough [see Corbusier or Robert Moses], so I'd never get my way with cities anyway)

Fields I'm still thinking about:
4. film making - tho I can't imagine myself being a bossy director, and making anything besides Bridget Jones-esque documentaries / incomprehensible pretentious art things
5. architecture - guess what my mum's been trying to tell me all my life what NOT to become
6. advertising - mostly creative jobs. But my thoughts have been quivering a bit after one week at Saatchi's. Maybe it's just the way chilled Brits do things - ie. indifferent to interns.

and the job that every little girl wants to have:
7. I still like to imagine, deep down there's still a seedling inside waiting to be the next John Galliano / Rei Kawakubo .