When mixed blessings turn into absolute curses

You know things can't be right when you find yourself sobbing in the office in front of just about everybody (including the cute boy sitting right next to you.) EVERYDAY. Like you were born with hyperactive tear ducts that can't afford to rest.

I've never thought work can fill me with so much dread and despair: it ate away my social life, my family time, even time to see my dog. It sucked away everything that meant being alive to me. The mere thought of my now-ex-boss churned up one big blackhole, swallowing up my existence as a sane individual, the way Dementors in Harry Potter feed on other people's pain, fear and misery.

So when she pronounced that she was letting me go today, (because of my "intolerable attitude problem" - ahem... this coming from the Queen of Verbal Abuse, Ripped Paper Trajectories and Office Stationery Dodgeball) I wasn't exactly sad. The shock of being fired for the first time still hasn't passed, but I am 100% certain I won't miss living in such terror and hypocrisy. Stuff this US$1000 a month job, a big "up-yours" to that silly woman, that extra hour I spent in Taipei with my family, eating xiao-lung-bao's at Din Tai Fung or bathing in hot springs was definitely worth more than this crappy job. So I won't be going to Morocco / the Sahara Desert next April, but that doesn't mean I'm never gonna make it there in this lifetime.

Thanks to this stint, I've had the pleasure of working with a larger-than-life bloke who's got a bigger heart than Biggie Smalls + the genie from Aladdin put together, and a fabber-than-fabulous drag-queen-by-night. My squeaky voice has been heard by tens of thousands HKers over the radio, and I'm happy with that 15 seconds of mass appeal fame. Now, it's time to move onto a smaller, but more appreciative audience.

Checkpoint

Just looked back at the entry on my 23rd b'day -

older.... and not a bit wiser (not even a leetle beet):

arg. 23. aaaaarrrrrgh. *in denial*

Judging by conventional measures of success for a person in their early 20's, here's a brief summary of how I measure up:

Degrees earned: none
Long-term Jobs held: nil
Significant other: nope
Driving License: nope
Automobiles owned: nil
Properties: nil
Offsprings: none - my mum HAD me when she was 23. *shivers*

Hmm... falling into the faux-pas category of - Underachiever.

Things to change / add to the I've-grown-older-but-not-wiser list:

Degrees earned: 1
Number of times fired: 1

Resistance is futile

for me when I read the back cover of THIS BOOK -

:: Seeking ::

Qualified applicants looking to build their careers on sand.
Requirements: a bachelor's degree worth a fraction of the debt you've incurred.
One to two years of clerical experience working for a harridan who has sucked your very life force.
Fluency in at least two major jargons.
Primary responsabilities include: figuring out just what we've hired you to do; working closely with no one for clients we'll never identify.

Don't you love trashy pop-lit half based on your life?

I'd like to apologize if this blog degrades into a humdrummy rant about life as a lowly radio programme asst. in the near future - ie. the rest of 2004 and 2005.
1.5 weeks and already it's getting to a point where work = life. Hmm.

How Teddy Ruxpin ruined my so-called life

Funny how one of my fav toys from when I was 6 or 7 can ruin my beautiful breezy Saturday morning as a fully-grown adult. Ever since I started my new job as a programme assistant at HK Commercial Radio, I've been needing to dig up long forgotten Hongkie culture trivia for the "Street Smart" game segment of the show. On Friday, the boss said we needed more questions for kids who phone-in, and told us on a whim to look up Cantonese nursery rhymes. Of bloody course no one on the research team remembers any of them in whole. It's easy to say,"Why don't you Google it then?" But we've been verbally banned from using the web - apparently that makes our pea-brains retarded (anyway that's another story)

So at 7 am, Saturday morning finds me (I now work Saturdays too damn it) rummaging through my bro's drawer filled with antique cassettes from the 80's. Ha! I thought... treasure trove filled with nursery rhymes. Off to the cassette deck at home. I open the cassette cases. Teddy Ruxpin on the air balloon. Teddy Ruxpin rescues Grubby the catepillar from the mud monsters. Teddy Ruxpin does this and that. ARRRR! All but two were actually nursery rhymes, but the cassette wheels just refused to move inside the tape deck. Screw my college degree, I now need to dig out lyrics from nursery rhymes.

So, if you happen to live in HK, and are even vaguely curious about what is that I now do (tho not at all well) for a living, tune into FM 88.1 every Mon - Fri 3-5pm for "Yau Yee Banzai" (sort of translates to "Friendship Forever") For those who don't live here, they stream it on the web... sorry, Cantonese only. You might even hear me on air as a super-irrelevant cameo type.

There's bad, but here's worse

They ain't telling tall tales when they say you gotta be careful what you wish for, 'cos you might just get it. A few weeks ago I babbled something to my mum about becoming an apprentice cook to a friend of her friend, a well-known local DJ / food critic / celeb chef / columnist; then all of a sudden, I magically find myself working as a programme assistant at a major HK radio station this morning. Little did I realise how I walked away from a mildly frustrating Office Space type situation at Christie's, straight into radio production hell.

I got myself into this mess, and I can't blame anyone but myself for it. Let's see how, or if, I'd ever get myself out of it. The silver lining to this cloud is that I might, if I'm still alive (not skinned and boiled alive) by April, get to go report about my boss's insane attempt at the Marathon des Sables, a 250 km crosscountry marathon in the Sahara desert. Moral of the story? Blessings almost ALWAYS come mixed.

Growing up and Selling out?

UPDATE: [11/24] Wahaha. Christie's actually retracted their offer and filled the opening with someone else, since I took two whole long weeks to tell them I'd take the offer. *Phew!* I've been spared from corporate slavery!

One reason to make this legit: I put on 5 lbs since I started my intership. Imagine what will happen if I work there for 2 years...-> 80 lbs of extra blubber =o

Want to die at the prospect of having to wear a suit, or any article of clothing that can make me look like an OL (Office Lady) for the remainder of my living years. As of now my alma mater hasn't yet taken me back to the womb of her endless corridors as an employee. Which means I'd have to accept Christie's offer, my one and only in the past 6 months, and stay in HK, servicing people with too much money to know what to spend it on.

Say goodbye to idealism and wave hello to cruel reality, CY.

In uni profs taught kids like me to look forward into the future and do great things that benefit many. Now I'm gonna have to learn to look backwards (as if I don't do that often enough already) and start studying old, antiquated, sometimes dilapidated things that only a small minority appreciates.

Tadao Ando x Louis Vuitton

exhibit at the Mori Art Museum in Roppongi Hills, Tokyo, as yet another celebratory act for the 150th anniversary of the world's most counterfeited monogram. It didn't occur to me that cool architects too, like household-name artists, can collaborate with luxury brands on projects other than flagship store designs. Well worth exchanging that hard-earned mileage for...

Universal Symbol of Brands: Louis Vuitton travels beyond time and space ルイ・ヴィトン 時空を超える意匠の旅

Hyogo Prefectural Museum of Art, Osaka, 10/2 - 12/25;
Mori Musuem of Art, Roppongi Hills, Tokyo, circa 1/21...

Not so Haute anymore?

After Todd Oldham, Cynthia Rowley, Isaac Mizrahi, Matthew Williamson and a whole generation of late 90's UK designers, Karl Lagerfeld too is jumping onto the crossover bandwagon of chainstore collaborations. This November sees a post-diet, Hedi Slimane cladded Lagerfeld dallying with H&M. The result? Sleek silhouettes decked in black and white, reminiscent of 80's New Romantics / androgyny. Not exactly groundbreaking stuff, but good enough for office wear. I have to say the chi-chi ad for the collection is a whole lot dirtier and a hella more exciting.

Update: [12/2] Word has it that KL pulled out, after H&M insisted on producing the line in larger sizes. KL refused to compromise his designs for the non-stickmen population.

The only reason to live in the States. Right now.

Bridget Jones, single working Everywoman, Western femme-dom icon is returning to the big screen on Nov 12th.
How long I wonder, will it take to reach these shores?

Nostalgic for not-at-all-bad Brit food

Am direly craving for a proper Sunday roast after accidentally catching BBC's Food Heroes: Another Helping, hosted by Rick Stein. Why wasn't roast pork with apple sauce so cracklingly good looking back in my boarding school days? Saliva glands continued to work hard as he piped up apple pancakes with custard and cider =d Hmm custard... perfect comfort food.

Will now be haunted by visions of pork chops (note to HKers: of the edible kind), roast beef, lampchops, Yorkshire puddings, roasted potatoes etc until I find a place in HK that serves all the works the proper British way. For tomorrow at least, I'd have to make do with a full-on, full fat, full cholestrol "high fun yeen" [shredded crab feast] at Lau Yuen, as a mini self-consolating gesture for turning one year short of a quarter century old. *deep sigh at the rapid aging process*

Goods of Desire:

Worked till I dropped yesterday & today, as Christie's HK is holding auction previews till Sat., then auctions on Sun and Mon. Being an intern with not much to do (or rather, an intern so inexperienced that she's unfit to handle fired clay worth a cool US$ 2.5 million) I happily sneaked into the 20th c. Chinese art, Asian contemporary art and SE Asian painting sections, rooms that were more my natural habitat. Unaware that art can instill that strong, impulsive desire to own the way designer fashion does, my heart pounded when I caught sight of the works below. Purely love at first sight.

Boats at the Beach by Indonesian artist Srihadi Sudarsono.
This is something I can look at forever, especially at the end of a long day. Rothko meets the Impressionists. And oh so out of my price range. *deep sigh*


Anchang Village, collage sewn with denim scraps by Korean artist Choi So-Young. (Born in 1980?! She's the same age as me!) *feelings of incompetency creeping in*


The Grain - Chest by Korean artist Kim Duck-Yong, collage with wooden blocks and bronze locks inlaid.


Iron wire sculpture imitating crackled celadon ceramics, by Korean artist Cheong Kwang-Ho (Wow I'm "discovering" a whole nation of talents here)
Now I'm tempted to prod / blackmail / guilt trip my dad into buying the cheapest works ("Hey I never asked for a graduation present, and I'm never gonna pass the driving test..."), or even digging into my own savings... *red finance siren lights flashing*

In the name of Art?!

Interning for approx US$ 8 per working day. Either faxing / "film queen"ing by the photocopier / filing / cutting and pasting old catalogue pictures onto cardboard sheets for archival, or worse, polishing windows on knees for entire afternoons before auction previews. Earning less than the Filippino maid at home. All this after spending US$ n00,000 on tuition. *despair*

The trouble with living in a high culture vacuum

is that whenever anything of vague significance takes place, the whole town flocks to see it. This past Sunday, I joined other fellow sheep citizens to see Picasso's Parade, a mofo-sized three-storey-tall painting (or rather, to put it correctly, a ballet theatre screen) , the artiste's largest known work, displayed in all places, at the IFC mall next to a bunch of high end cosmetics and fashion stores. (Seeing how the average HKer never sets foot in a local musuem, wouldn't it make more sense to display it at a newish mall that needs a major attraction?)

Word had it that Pompidou only shows the work once in 20 years, and never before had it been shown in Asia. The queues were long. The tickets for a guided tour were sold out through Monday. The popularity of the event raised my expectations.

I was quickly disappointed. The work is far from Picasso's best; inspite of its size it's definitely no Guernica. It looked like the work of a starving artist, trying to earn some extra pocket money. (Though Picasso couldn't have been too starved, since this was his Rose Period.) The fact that I had to elbow through crowds of people just to see the bloody painting didn't exactly enhance my art-appreciation mood. Everyone had their cell phones and digicams out, snapping away. (Wouldn't a Picasso make a great cell phone wallpaper?) Security guards yelling at people taking pictures with flash.

Damn, have some respect for art people!

Heck, I'm a tourist too.
-----------------------------------------

The Andrei Tarkovsky Filmfest is on.
And it conveniently coincides with Christie's auctions, the only time that I'd be really busy during my internship. Hope I won't be too dead after work to catch this.

Team America:

As recommended by my bro. Looks like a fun, silly, piss-taking ride.
(Apologies to Stateside folks, I now live in the Land of Narrower Bandwidths: little contact with Internet -> delayed news. Ya know, Fahrenheit 911 is only just released on these shores.)

Sam Hui, the People's hero 許冠傑 人民英雄 :

Thanks to me mate Peaks' generosity, I finally got to see Sam Hui live in concert, 12 years after his retirement. With 40 odd sold-out concerts and a total audience of 420,000 (that's 7% of HK) , there can be little doubt that Sam Hui's still the King / Godfather of Cantopop. And for a 56 yr old singer who hasn't publicly performed in more than a decade, he did a damn fine job, singing almost non-stop for four hours (making this the best valued concert I've EVER been to.) In stark contrast, his 40-yr-junior guest stars Cookies , Cowgirls (wtf?) and his Barbie-like students merely highlighted the fact that HK aint making popstars like we used to.

If Leslie Cheung and Anita Mui were relics from the 80's decadent, lavish excesses, then Sam Hui must be the icon for the 70's tougher times. Sam and his two brothers almost singlehandedly invented Cantopop, with their folksy numbers and cheeky lyrics throughout the 70's and 80's. Their songs about economic hardship, droughts, shanty towns and salarymen's daily grind made the grassroots' voice heard. For a post Asian economic crisis and SARS stricken HK, there is no better soundtrack.

Thumbs Up:

* The whole "family affair"-ness of the concert -
Little did I realise how sorely I missed the Hui Brothers' unique s.o.h. : cheeky without being too offensively crass, witty and smart in their not-too-high-not-too-low way. Even Stephen Chow 's "mo lei tow" movies pale in comparison. Sam's two sons Ryan and Scott are particularly to be applauded for not being embarrassed about performing with Dad in front of a stadium jam-packed with 12, 000 people.

* The goodie bag -
Love the cheap and cheerful small red white and blue polystyrene bag, (the type that amah's and Filippino maids use when they go home) packed with equally cheap thrills: a giant rubber band, glow-in-blacklight paper boat, a miniature Sam action figure, whistle and all.

Thumbs down:

* The guest stars -
They sucked. Groups of 4 and 16 girls singing off pitch does some serious goosebump spiking. And with 16 voices you can't even hear what they are singing. Not even qualified to be backup singers.

* The leopard costume theme -
on a 56 yr old can be a bit strange. Oh well, he's Sam and we HKers love him anyway, however weird his dress sense.

Movie watching... the old skool way

Rewatched Sergei Eisenstein's 1925 classic, Battleship Potemkin last night. This time round, instead of watching the Soviet silent film in a cramped classroom with popcorn being passed back and forth, I watched it in a concert hall with live music: Dmitri Shostakovich's symphonies 5, 10 and 11 played by the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra. With heroic bits of brass and drums rolling, the experience was electrifying, to the point of being almost religious. * At the triumphant end of the film I was almost tempted to shout, "Workers of the world unite!"

Wonder if Stalin would turn in his grave if he knew the Communist films he commissioned would be viewed by "bourgeois" concert-goers in an age when consumerism dominates?

* Though my parents thought otherwise - saying that the film was super-Communist (it's a propaganda film to start with) - and sporadically dozed throughout the film.

Gonna stay

in HK till Thankgiving at the earliest, as have decided to do a non-paid internship at Christie's Hong Kong, just to see their upcoming auctions, learn about their operations and what not. Think I'd be working in the Chinese Ceramics dept... not as exciting as say, Fine Jewellery or Watches and Clocks, but it sure beats being unemployed. So I'd be donating myself to the elitist bandwagon, to serve over-priviledged high society types for the next 1.5 months. Just hope my malcoorinated self doesn't break any heirloom-type treasures.

Movie magick:

Woah. Still mildly star-dazed from meeting two heavy-weight names in the HK film industry today. Thanks to Auntie Linda, sister to Vincent Kok Tak-Chiu (comic actor / director / producer) , I got to meet Hai Chung-Man, of art direction / costume & production design fame in hits like Three Extreme: Dumplings, Golden Chicken I & II, and erm... The Twins Effect @_@ [that trashy vampire movie with Twins?! I guess ppl have to make $ one way or another]

Half way through the meeting, Peter Chan Ho-Sun walked in (I was sitting in the conference room of HIS production co. afterall) I was even briefly introduced to the director of Comrades: Almost a Love Story and He'a Woman, She's a Man. I even caught sight of thick scripts for upcoming projects sitting on the table: Perhaps Love, a musical of some sort (wonder who will be the lead singers?), and Waiting. In today's quality-film-starved HK, I'm sure I am not the only person waiting to see these in cinemas.

Hope this won't be the end of the story... when when when will it be my turn to break into the movie-makers' hall of fame?
----------------------------------------------------------------

Finally.
Gonna see 2046 tonight, as I'm done with mad porfolio compiling, interviewing, making calls and all other job-hunting errands for the day.

For a sneak preview, I hopped over to TST to see some costumes and props used in the movie, on show at a local mall.

Bai Ling's cheongsam, worn by Zhang Ziyi; Carina Lau's paper-like android costume


Props for Mo-Wan's makeshift study in Room 2047

People Mountain People Sea:

Popped up to Guangzhou yesterday. Was overwhelmingly crowded (roughly 3x the flow in Mongkok or Causeway Bay) as it was the National Day long weekend. Being pushed by and shuffled along the flow of a slow moving 10-million-strong human trampede can be overbearing after 5 mins - but now I know why EVERYONE wants to break into that Chinese market.

Irony spotted - A sign at the HK-China border on the Shenzhen side reads: "Let's make Shenzhen a civilised model city for modern socialism." Hmmm... where are the signs of socialism in this skyscraper-cladded, HK-wannabe city?

The jade and antiques market


"Old Comrade" brand tea brick (note: comrade = gays and lesbians in Cantonese); circular tea bricks




The old Guangzhou town center

Appalled

a) by the way interviews are conducted here. I really hope the experience is not representative of recruiters in HK. The interviewer didn't shake hands, didn't handout their name card, and, openly bashed the person who referred me. I can understand the first two irregularities - HKers are not usually known for being friendly or wellcoming- but the last part was down right rude.

b) by the combo of minimum wage and horrendously long hours : 12 hrs a day Mon - Fri + unpaid overtime on weekends, and if you want to get promoted sooner, extra projects to take on in your own time, sans pay of course.
I might as well go into i-banking... at least I'd be sufficiently compensated for selling my soul to the corporation.

Nobody Knows

(aka Daremoshiranai: official Japanese site)

Caught this at the Arts Center. The film was delightful - the kids were so cute that I couldn't helping smiling. The whole film, in spite of all the tragic incidents, has a lightly happy and sweet feel to it. The kids' optimism radiates across so naturally that it is easy for the audience to forget how unfortunate they are. Nobody has a very different sentimentalism from say, The Grave of Fireflies (Chinese title: Goodbye Fireflies), which is similar in plot; but there are no teary sobs here, just peaceful toleration with all the crap that happens in life.

Exciting week!

1. Mid Autmn Festival (tomorrow)
Hadn't had mooncakes at an appropriate location (ie. on this side of the planet) for... 12 years!
That is, with full moon, paper lanterns, plastic lanterns (in the shape of Hello Kitty's, Powerpuff Girls etc etc) and mooncakes of all varieties (besides the traditional lotus seed paste ones, we now have "ice skin", which I've never had, but suspect it's mochi-like; green tea; date paste; sesame paste; Starbucks (coffee flavoured?! urgh) ; and Hagen Daaz ice-cream ones) ^o^
Want to catch the giant lanterns exhibit at the Victoria Park.

2. 2046 (9/29)
I won't rant on, seeing how the topic is taking up the bandwidths in China / HK these days.
The posters alone send sparks down the spine:

[Fingers-crossed: will or won't I get to meet William Chang Suk Ping, art director for Happy Together & In the Mood for Love???]

3. National Day for People's Republic of China (10/1)
Is something that sort of exists in my mind but never acknowledged, since I've never physically been in Hong Kong, in October, in the seven years that HK's been handed back to its Mamaland. Oh yes, we are part of the PRC now, as gaudy as the name of my country sounds, I have to accept it.
On the bright side, I'll get to see HK fireworks, which I haven't seen in years. HK fireworks are nothing like fireworks anywhere else in the world. They are gargantuan, and no one else gets to show fireworks with the fantastic backdrop of Victoria Harbour at night! :) Am looking forward to seeing the big smiley pattern this year, a first in HK fireworks history.

The kitchen fridge at home

is not dissimilar to a time capsule. Digging through the mid-sized General model is a bit like an archeological dig in Pompeii, back in the day when it was still buried in volcanic ash. Look! Roman aged bread and wheat preserved in ashes! In the case of the Wong's Residence, thanks to my mum's obsession with NOT throwing anything away, EVER, the deceivingly small fridge, vault-like in capacity, now houses a historical collection of foods: preserved dried scallops (I swear they've been there since I was 12), boxes of expired chocolates (almost none were ever opened *sigh*), half consumed bags of beef and pork jerky, a giant box of cheese crackers that should have been thrown out four years ago, and the like...

Mum suggested I make food sculptures out of all this when I become a famous artist. "Hmm this is an interesting time-based piece... look at how the material itself is perishing without the aid of humans and technological intervention!" Or something. Andy Goldsworthy, look out!

Woohoo! Successfully delayed return date to the States to 10/4, since interesting job leads have been popping up.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to enjoy all the family pampering, the superb food (in taste and variety), non-laundry-doing and non-housecleaning, shopping for cheap Marc Jacob suits, and of course, catching 2046 when it comes out =D

Gay Republicans

Isn't that an oxymoron? Had no idea they even existed....

Celeb spotting:

On the way to lunch at 鼎泰豐 Ding Tai Fung at Hong Hum, walked behind 方中信 [Alex Fong] from the parking lot to the elevator. Was vaguely exciting cos I always thought the man was a bit of a dish - tall, clean cut and lanky... just how I like them men ;) All the better if they play firefighters on telly.

BOS>HKG>SGN>NHA>HKG:

Back in Hong Kong, after a short detour in the form of a 5-day family holiday in Saigon & Nha Trang, Vietnam.

Vietnam was wicked. Just like in Tran Anh Hung's films - leisurely slow, lush and saturated with tropical colours. Well, maybe not the crazy traffic in Ho Chi Minh City. But, I did have a superb time.

The particularly noteworthy:

Petting sea turtles at the Nha Trang Aquarium - OMG. They are even cuter than in Nemo. I never knew turtles were so friendly. (Well, they might have thought it was lunchtime when I walked down the stairs to the marine shelter where they were kept with the giant groupers) The ancient reptiles with X-File-alien like eyes swam up close enough to let me pet their seaweed-covered heads and flippers. Wanted to bring one home badly but that would get me arrested by less friendly Vietnamese customs...

Vietnamese coffee iced with sweet condensed milk is possibly the bestest coffee EVER. And this is coming from a gal who stays away from most coffees. Strong, super concentrated and creamy yet jitter-free; imagine Bailey's without the alcohol.

Lotus tea - It smells like vanilla ice-cream. I was sold after my first sip.

The Ana Mandara Hotel at Nha Trang is one of the nicest hotels I have stayed in... antique Chinese meets Bali / Thai tropical, the place is beautifully landscaped with fragrant jasmine bushes, Birds of Paradise, plumeria (egg flower) and palm trees of all sorts and sizes. Rooms were clustered as tropical bungalows with porches and thatched roofs.
And the pool! The pool! It was right out of Conde Nast Traveller - located perfectly on the edge of the beach, the view was water + sea + sky.

Fruits so exotic and so fresh, it's like I've never seen or tasted fruits before: dragonfruit, jackfruit, custard apples, coconuts, mangos, crazy sweet watermelons and half a dozen more that I can't name in English. Served most deliciously in lightly sweetened or flavored waters: dragonfruit with vanilla; mango with lemongrass; watermelon with ginger; bananas with coffee beans...

Going around town on a cyclo - there's nothing like it. A rickshaw powered by a bike (except the carriage thingy goes in front), one feels quite vulnerable when there's nothing barring your body from the streets packed with 1000's of motorcycles, whose drivers blatently ignore any attempt of traffic regulation.

Fresh honey- the Vietnamese like theirs straight off a giant chunk of honey comb. It tasted of flowers! Just a spoonful made my superstrong Viet coffee the perfect caffeinated nectar.

Spotting a two tailed lizard - free freak show on the way to breakfast. And I thought those things only exist on believe-it-or-not type TV shows.

Pics to follow...

Frank Gehry's $300 million white elephant?

Figure as an architecture student, before I leave MIT for good I should at least take some pics of the new Computer Science & Artificial Intelligence Lab (aka CSAIL or Stata Center), the latest multi million addition to the school campus. Afterall, my tuition must have contributed, however insignificantly and minutely, to this overbudgeted architectural whimsy.

Monstrosity or work of architectural ingenuity? I'm still on the fence. On the outside, the building looks like a gimmicky bunch of crushed cans, cardboard rolls and boxes; but on the inside, Gehry celebrates natural light, form, colour and space like no other. The deal is: why does good architecture always come with a hefty price tag?