had a major emotional crisis yesterday, induced by a chai on an empty stomach. I must have gradually become substance-intolerant over the last month... was feeling all icky, restless and nauseated at the same time, as though I had too much coffee - but it was my daily chai!!! What's wrong with me, can't take caffeine or alcohol?? Totally defies the purpose of being legal drinking age.

Can't tell which was the cause of the depression attack:
- the daylight-saving-time winter blues,
- my recent inferiority complex re: not graduating on time,
- my lack-of-social-activities 2 nights in a row (Halloween + Friday nite = I have no life),
- the dire sense of anxiety / urgency re: turning twenty-something, getting older but not any wiser or more responsible,
- the state of my laundry basket + cleanliness of my carpet,
- or not going to Christian fellowship with my friend Joyce as I said I would for the gazillionth time.
[It's definitely not PMT, cos I had that mildly 2 weeks ago. Is it possible that I'm getting PMT & Post MT?? Geez that would suck.]

So much to feel bad about. Whatever happened to the optimist in me?! Recently read How to be Good by Nick Hornby, and thought I felt as pathetic as the main character in the book....my spiritual self has just as much life as a flat battery. I feel guilty about so much, yet I'm not convinced that religion would be of any consolation. What to do?